It’s been a rough week. Hearts are breaking all around me. People–my people–are in pain. Some kind souls are made for comfort and always know the right thing to do or say, always have a helpful perspective or a sturdy shoulder to cry on. I wish I were one of those people.
I can only say that I love you, and you’re on my mind.
Hi, Averil. I hope you and yours are all right. I just got to the office a little while ago. Boss isn’t here yet so it’s quiet. We have a court filing today but he wants to make revisions to it first, so he voicemailed me and emailed me to have me wait. So I wait.
First thing I did after I got here, after I turned on the machines, was go to empty the excess grounds container on the fancy espresso machine. The grounds can be used in another coffee maker to make coffee and I was going to take them home for Susan. She drinks a lot of coffee. But after I poured them into the plastic food storage container I brought, I saw some of them were moldy. I picked through them to try to get all the moldy bits out, but couldn’t so I threw them all away.
Today at lunch Susan is going to come by and she and I are going to the jeweler’s to pick up our wedding bands. We went to the jeweler’s and ordered them Saturday. Simple gold bands. We didn’t get them when we first got married because Susan was working as a licensed massage therapist and didn’t want to have to be worrying about taking hers off and misplacing it. She doesn’t do that work any more. There was some question as to whether or not we could afford them, but I said we would be less likely to be able to afford them a year or even six months from now, so we should get them now. The price of gold keeps inching up. We have other things we’re going to want to do with our money a year from now.
I didn’t know how much she wanted them until we went to the jeweler’s and until yesterday evening when she told me the jeweler’s had called and the rings were in and I looked at the jeweler’s hours of business. She said she guessed we could go by after I got off work today and I said Why don’t you come by at lunch and we’ll go get them, and she was very happy.
Before I left for the office this morning I kissed her and held her and said Till death do us part, and she kissed me and held me and said Till death do us part. My cousin Liz lost her husband, Jerry, this morning, to cancer. Liz and Jerry came out here to visit last year and had been wanting to return. I never knew Jerry very well–hell, I don’t know Liz all that well, either–but he seemed like a decent guy. Always upbeat and planning his next project. He worked in television and video. You know how it is, you see somebody and you never know if that’s the last time you’ll see them.
So take care of yourself. You and all the posse, take care of yourselves. Love deeply and well. I’m getting all trite and cliched now but I’ll say it anyway before I go–yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a dream and today is the only day.
A workday lunch date is always welcome. The overlap between home and work life offers a different perspective on both, it lets you see things from an outsider’s point of view.
May you and Susan wear those rings in good health for many years to come.
XO
To you and yours and mine and me, I’ll add to Tetman and say today is only a day. Tomorrow is another chance. And it will get better. You are not alone, no matter how far away you are. I see you and I’m here.
I never know what to do or say. Never. This summer, the husband of one of my oldest, dearest friends fell to the floor and died. No warning, nothing. They were on vacation– my friend, her husband, and their 11 year old daughter– my friend went to the store and he died right there in front of his daughter, who of course did not know what to do. Their family is completely ruptured and I have no idea what to do or say– really there’s nothing that will help. Every time we talk, it seems like it gets worse. I just keep telling myself that she’s in the storm feeling the full impact and I’m on the far edge of the feeling, in the awkward wrongness of it, and that’s just how it has to be.
How awful. That poor little girl. The “awkward wrongness” is exactly the problem. There seems to be no way to maneuver yourself into a supportive position.
Love to all of you, Anna.
I’m so sorry to hear about more hearts breaking. All I can say, as someone who’s been trying not to talk about my own heart so much (from fear of driving people away), is how much it helps just to be listened to. One can show that by reflecting back the gist of what the other person has said. You can’t reflect what you haven’t heard, so it can show that you care.
I hope it’s possible for all to be much better soon. If not, I hope you all find the strength to talk and the patience to listen.
I don’t ever see you as complaining, Re. You’re doing the best thing you can with your pain: you’re writing. You’re building a new life. It isn’t easy to do but you are making it happen, and that’s something to be proud of.
XO
That’s all you ever need to say. Peace…
Thank you for the song Averil. Here pretty shitty week too. I hope those broken hearts are soon on the mend xx
It’s in the air, Cat.
XO
Right foot, left foot, breathe. Right foot, left foot, breathe. Breathe.
(and also hugs and chocolate)
I’m with Bobbi. That’s all you need to say. And you are on our minds, too.
I never like to hear that friends are hurting. Worse, that the people they love are hurting. Would that we could simply tear off a corner of their pain and hold it to help them carry the burden. Sending thoughts of love goes a long way, my dear. I know that for certain.
Hang in there, missy. *hugs*
Sorry for you and for yours. I play with words every day, but sometimes I don’t have any words to say.
I am still reeling from the obituary of a 29-year-old man from my hometown who committed suicide…the obituary mentioned how much his two beloved dogs would miss him, among other things. I only vaguely knew him in passing but he was closer with some of my friends and family and I seem to be simply incapable of understanding how in the hell this man’s friends and family are managing this. I would never know what to say even if I had someone to say it to.
I hope the broken hearts in your life are on the mind, Averil.
Thank you, sweet sis. I loved the song so much that I just bought the download. It was exactly what I needed this morning. And please don’t feel like you have to say anything. Words are not necessary, just love.